I am not sure if any of you ever heard of this term, since I know not many people around me know about these kind of things, nor majority of them (especially people in my country) wants to search it up *sarcastic :p* . Nevertheless, I want to share what 'demisexual' is, and I am sure this sharing could give a lot of benefit to you as well. Let's see if you are actually one - like me.

Yes, I am a demisexual. I started to know about this term was when I was 19 years old, whereby an online friend of mine shared an article about demisexuality. I was really glad she shared it! At least, it answered tons of questions in my head that I had built since my high school days. 

When I was in high school, my friends started to talk about boys, love and crushes. Honestly, I didn't really understand the hype of the conversation nor did I know how it feels to be in love. I never had any crushes to any boys throughout my school life. I don't even understand what make my friends think a guy can be so hot. Also why my online friends always say something along "Look at this guy. He is so hot, I could even agree to bang with him." (Ehem. Not really appropriate, but most of my online friends are from other the countries and not a Muslim, so I hope you can understand why they said so). I don't understand them. When they asked for my type preference, or if this guy hot or not, all I did was shrug, not knowing which part of the guy looks appeal to them. There was one time a guy told to my face that I am heartless because I never seems to fancy any of them. 

At first I thought it was 'normal' for being so and I thought my school life was still long way to go and maybe one day, I will finally understand all of it... but even on my last year of high school, I really never come to any asnwers to my questions. I started to question myself if I am really 'normal'? I even started to question if I was straight all along. I was scared obviously. Not knowing about myself sucks. 

I had never heard of the term " demisexual " - it was either allosexual and asexual. I never know there was an in-between until an online friend of mine shared an article about it in facebook. Later, it compelled me to do further research what is demisexuality and suddenly it all make sense to me. 

What is Demisexual?

A demisexual person do not feel sexual attraction to someone unless she or he has first developed a deep emotional connection to them. That doesn’t mean they will become attracted to everyone they get that bond with, but it is a prerequisite. Compared to most of general population, most demis rarely feel sexual attraction. Some have little to no interest in sexual activities. When a demisexual person has established an emotional connection to someone (feelings of romantic love or deep friendship), only then will demi experience sexual attraction and desire, but only to specific partner or partners. 

It is not that a demisexual is picky in choosing partner, they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship formed. Being demisexual does not mean a person is not into sex. It means a person is not into sexual activity unless the context is right.

As you might assume, demisexuality has kind of stunted our ability to be in relationships. While we are open to casual dating in theory, it does not really appeal to people like us. Since we do not know the person, we feel no attraction to them and do not care to date them. Because we are not usually interested in the men/women around us, we do not really make an effort to flirt with them or to encourage them to flirt with us. We still want a relationship as much as the next person, but it’s a lot harder for us. Most people use dates to get to know the person, whereas a demisexual person need to really connect with someone on a much deeper level to even want to date them.

I can only list out just some though. 

1. Looks are irrelevant

I mean most of us even don't understand what is so hype about a hot person xD

Yeah sure, we actually can identify if a guy or a girl is very good looking or not, but we just do not feel sexually attracted to them. Our usual response are "Okay, he is good looking guy/girl.... but then? What's the deal? What's the need to hype for?"

      2. Most of your relationships started with friendships

Stranger is out of the question. You are hardly to get sexual attraction towards stranger or even care to date them. Completely getting to know a potential partner is of immense importance to demisexuals, they often find themselves developing feelings for their friends. Which could mean, most, if not all, of your relationships blossom out of friendships.

That also means that a demisexual also get into the 'friendzone' a lot. LIKE A FREAKING A LOT. This is like the favourite spot for a demisexual since unrequited crushes or romantic relationship have been born of 'no agenda' friendship`. At least a few friendships have gotten awkward in situations when the feelings went un-reciprocated, although we find that we can usually work past it to preserve a friendship. Spare our heart, please :')

      3. People might have called you 'Prude' or 'Ice King/Queen' or 'Heartless' or etc.

If those around you have called you “old-fashioned” or accused you of being a “prude” when it comes to sex and dating (whatever the heck that even means anymore…you should always do you, whatever that may be), it could be because of your demisexuality. Demisexuals aren’t usually super sexually active and aren’t generally interested in one-night-stands (because again, they need to know someone well before feeling a strong attraction). 

    4. It's a big deal when you like someone

It's not often that you're attracted to anyone in the first place, so when you feel that way, the feeling is monumental. You don’t go around crushing on lots of attractive guys, so when you feel something for one of them it’s a huge deal because it’s so rare! Everyone seemed to think we'd all grow out of "having crushes" in adulthood that had the same intensity as the ones we had in junior high or high school, but if anything, yours only seem to have more depth to them than they did when you were younger. Your friends might call you old-fashioned for how you can turn attraction into something really important as well as stick to liking just one guy, but it’s just the way you are.

     5.  You get a natural high out of quality conversations.

You are more turned on by a long night of a seamless conversation with a single person than you would be by a long night in the bedroom with someone. While everyone’s out there getting laid, you’re keen on having a really deep, mentally-stimulating chat with a guy. You love exploring people’s minds and personalities. Communication is very important to you because you know that it’s key to building strong emotional connections.

    6. You don't always understand your friends' conversation

You find it really hard to relate with your friends in matters that concern sex and relationships. When your friends are gushing about how they’d love to shag a Hollywood star or the sexy waiter at their favorite restaurant, you just don’t get it. Words like “hot” or “sexy” are confusing to you because you tend to see people in other ways, such as charming, kind, or attractive. You notice and describe men according to their personality traits much more than how they look. This is purely because you take a very unique and rare approach to relationships and so that’s why you often find yourself alone on an island.

   7. Usually, you are not a fan of physical touch

Some of you are not a fan of hugs, touch and etc. Physical intimacy, even with someone you’ve gotten to know, can be uncomfortable and make you feel a bit anxious. You’d rather have a conversation or get to know someone personally rather than feel them up. Sometimes you find these feelings overwhelming and unbearable.

   8.  When you are sexually attracted to someone, you’re either confused or single-minded.

Because you don’t feel sexual attraction very often, you struggle when you do feel it. When you get a strange, fluttery feeling around someone, it confuses you. Once you realize you’re in love, you also realize one other thing: you can’t imagine being in love with anyone else other than that person. If you’re being honest with yourself, that’s more terrifying than anything else you’ve ever experienced in your life.

That's all I could share

No matter how strange it all sounds, demisexuality is completely valid. It’s less common, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s less real. Demisexuals’ relationships are no more or less valid than anyone else’s, and people like me have just as much of a chance of experiencing happy and successful partnerships as anyone else.

If you think someone you know might be demisexual, save them some of the trouble I had to go through in discovering and embracing my obscure identity. Let them know you’re OK with them being who they are. Just because someone feels sexual attraction differently from you does not mean either person is wrong.

Hope this entry could give you something.

Thanks for reading!

What's up guys? It's another anime review with Hana! I am not sure if my Shinsekai Yori's review is good or not, but I will try to give my best shot for every time reviewing them. This time, I will be reviewing a debatable series, whereby some people love it, while some other are not. Not sure if it is one of the underrated anime but I don't see people talk about 91 days quite often honestly. Yes, I am going to review 91 Days. 

If you asked me how do I explain this anime in a word, I would say " revenge ".

91 days is a series with an interesting premise. It's a crime drama set during the US prohibition. I'll let you all know right from the outset, I'm not going to know how historically accurate it is. I am basically familiar with what happened during prohibition. There was an amendment making alcohol illegal, Crime rates surged as it became a criminal commodity. After thirteen years it was repealed with another amendment. I do not , however, know the specifics. If you like Mafia-kind of story, then you probably will love this. 

The story is focusing on Angelo Lagusa, whom as a child living in the town of Lawless has witnessed a tragedy: his parents and younger brother have been mercilessly slaughtered by the Vanetti mafia family. Losing everything he holds dear, he leaves both his name and hometown behind, adopting the new identity of Avilio Bruno. Seven years later, Avilio finally has his chance for revenge when he receives a mysterious letter prompting him to return to Lawless. Obliging, he soon encounters the Vanetti don's son, Nero, and seeks to befriend him using the skills he has quietly honed for years. 91 Days tells the story of Avilio's dark, bloodstained path to vengeance, as he slowly ends each of the men involved in the killing of his family.

Plot

For an original anime, I would say that the studio did it very well. You might think that watching a guy getting his revenge for the whole 12 episodes could be pretty boring. People might think too that this is another useless fight mafia-story, but trust me, you guys are so wrong. This anime is very unique, I like how they made sure the characters act like people in those dark days. This anime is told in a very grim way, subtly shaping its characters. It is paced well. Even though you can probably tell what's going to happen next, you still find yourself striving for more, waiting for another week to pass by. There are a lot of psychological elements, so you always keep your eyes open, catching those little details that make the story all the more enjoyable. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole anime because it was revealing this and that, this and that again and again and you're like OMG what's gonna happen next? who will eliminate whom? The main and foremost rule to become a successful crime drama, 91 day perfectly executed it. The theme is similar to Baccano, Monster and Joker game. So why watch this? because it doesn't show the power of immortals, the madness of a cold hearted man or not some games. Its completely realistic. Its totally unique in its own way. So better try this anime. Its really good.

The series does get some hates though. I guess to some people it would be confusing and hard to follow. Like, why doesn't he just shoot person A and be done with it? Or why not snipe them all from the rooftops, plant bombs, etc. The point wasn't to kill them, it was to make them feel the same pain and suffering Angelo himself had suffered when he lost his family and was forced to watch.

Yes baby, we have got an anti-hero as the main protagonist here.

Characters

Angelo Lagusa is the main character of the series, and as I said before, we have got an anti-hero in this series. What is anti-hero? We usually have great main character with great characteristics that can be admired such as Naruto Uzumaki, whereby we really admire his 'I never give up', 'treasuring friendship', braveness, leadership and so on. But anti-hero has none of those. If we drag Angelo in Naruto series, we definitely would say that Angelo is the sneaky and calculating villain.

 He is merciless and cunning. Well, he could not have been survived until the end if he didn't abandon his sanity. Throughout the series, you might feel uncertain whether you agree with what Angelo's doing since it's very wrong things to do but at the same time you will get to think that the other party deserved what they got.

And we have another main character called Nero. Nero is from the other party. He is the son of the mafia family that killed Angelo's family. He is a good thinker and a very careful person. He is a great leader to be precise. So can you imagine how these two clashes? Like how Angelo manipulating everyone meanwhile there is a careful guy like Nero in the family, so Angelo has the hard time as much as Nero. 

And yet, what I like the most about the characters in the series is, I like how they are very realistic.How they act, and how they think. I mean, even to Angelo, there was a moment where he hesitated (not going to spoil you why). I mean come, taking revenge is not the best way to live honestly. Moreover, killing people? I am sure deep inside of Angelo's heart, he doesn't want to do it either. 

Though, not sure if I like the supporting characters. At least I like Nero's sister and Corteo. There are the only decent supporting characters that has some kind of sanity at the very least lol.

Art and Animation

Well this is what the series lacking the most. The quality is inconsistent but I don't really mind since the plot is really nice but still there are parts whereby the art and animation affected it. 

OST and Songs

I freaking love the opening song. It sits well with the theme of the series which is 'Revenge'. The first time I heard the opening theme song, I love it immediately. It's like I can feel the pain that is weighting Angelo and Nero. As for the OST, it fits the scene really well.

Overall

I am not saying that it is a masterpiece since it does lacking here and there, but I will definitely admit that it is a very good series. It keeps you on edge, wanting for more and the ending... well not gonna spoil you :P
Overall rating: 8/10

Give it a try, I recommend the series. Let me know how it go.

Keyakizaka46 (欅坂46) is a Japanese girl idol group, produced by Yasushi Akimoto. It was created on August 21, 2015. It is Nogizaka46's first sister group. Have you heard about the famous girl idol group called AKB48? Keyakizaka46 and Nogizaka46 (also called as Sakamichi Team) are the official rival groups to AKB48 and their sister groups that were created under the same company and produced by the same producer.

Keyakizaka46 officially debuted on the 6th of April, 2016 with the release of their hit single Silent Majority, which sold 261,580 copies in the first week, achieving the most debut singles sold by a female group in its first week. A song much unlike the usual idol fare, with the girls singing against the established authority, voicing out those that are never heard. Their songs, coupled to choregraphy sometimes elegant, sometimes aggressive, but always polished, soon gained them the title of “cool idols”. Idols who aren’t all smiles, and who actually sometimes don’t at all. 

They quickly gained a following after a more than successful launch and even participated in the Kōhaku Uta Gassen TV show (Japan's most watched annual TV show) in their first year of existence. Hirate Yurina, who has been the center of the group ever since its formation, quickly became its face as well thanks to her unrivaled expressions and overall visual power. 

Yet, they are still idols, and as such have plenty to offer as far as the sweeter side of idols goes. Handshakes, TV shows, live streams, they have everything you can expect any big shot idol group to have if you ever want to learn more about them.

The first time I heard about this idol group was when I accidentally clicked on their 'Silent Majority' music video on YouTube. At first, I do feel like they are quite different than any other japanese girl idol groups  that I know especially very different if compared to AKB48. They don't act the typical cutesy idols, their gaze are somewhat fierce (but not so much, I can tell they were rookie idols on that time), their outfit are amazing and love the military theme, the song sounds nice but its just normal, and lastly I like how they are so synchronized, which is very suitable with the military-like theme.

Then, as I read in the comment section, I got to know that it was their debut song. I was very surprised! I expected more worst from rookie jpop idols because on how the idol system in Japan, but they were actually pretty great as a rookie group. Then, I realized how the center, Hirate Yurina caught my eyes a lot more than I expected. She is very expressive that it impressed me a lot. So it intrigued me to search for the English translation for the song, and again, I am surprised how great the lyrics turned out to be. It has powerful messages, the song tells people not to stay silent about their own thoughts or dreams and to think about whether the tradition of ‘silence is a virtue’ is still applicable or not. It allows young people to think about whether they are being limited by adults and giving up on their dreams.

Somehow, along the way, I up-to-date whenever their new singles were out (Still up-to-date until today). I love them more and more. Their songs and the members inspire me a lot. Whenever I was down and feel awful, I will listen to their songs and read the translation of it, somehow it gave me hope and courage. Their songs are not your typical love and boys songs, but their songs varied from opinions, social issues, sexual harassment, self esteem, courage and more. They are telling stories, not just some fun and game.

The members? They are really great and they are very real. Though, I would say they are quite passive if we compare them to any idol groups and they are weird in their own way but very likable haha. I have gotten to know them a lot by watching their variety show called Keyakitte Kakenai and we can see that they grow so much from the moment they become idols. When they were asked why they want  to be an idol, some said they want to change, some said they want to inspire people, some said they want to grow and one of them said they don't want to go back to the past. They have their own reasons, and I hope with being as Keyakizaka46's members, they can achieve what they hope to be.

There were so much things had happened during the past few weeks. Now I have a doubt on myself if I can actually make it through everything.

The new semester just begun 2 weeks ago and I am right now in my third semester. Yes, it's the beginning for a brand new life, and yet, I am shaken already. I wonder if this semester will tire myself physically and mentally. 

Remember the guy that I had crush with?

First, it is true, during my 5 months semester break he always contacting me; messages and calls. Second, he did asked me weird questions (like I wrote in my 'Friendzoned?' entry) starting last semester and on semester break as well. Third, he DID TELL ME he is seeing someone and the person is not even students from my university. So I took it as one-sided love on my part. 

Okay. So what about it?

When the day I arrived at my university, he called me, wanted to meet up that night because he wanted to copy the anime that I promised him in our conversation on the semester break. I gave an okay, we meet up, and he brought along his another two friends (that love anime too. Ayye, we can make a squad). Well, I did actually mad at him a little bit for misleading me but it's my fault too for being 'perasan' lol. Then he suddenly asked me, "Hana kau okey tak?" and I was like "huh? Okey je?" He asked me couple of times and I just answered the same. He even asked me if  I was mad. Ugh, was I that obvious? I don't think I am that mad to be honest. Okay la, tak ada apa sangat time ini. 

For some health issues, I no longer can lift up any heavy stuff, do extreme activities, being too active in sports, cannot eat spicy food (but I dont give a damn haha). That guy knows about it but he seems not understand what kind of illness I have been into. So for the first week, I need to lift up heavy big table in my new studio (classroom for fine art), and I ignored all 'pantang larang doktor'.  I lifted up that freaking tables for my freaking pride. Muahaha stubborn nak mati. Bukan nak minta tolong orang. 

So that night, I feel the symptoms for getting the illness back. I regretted lifting up the tables that day. I mean, I just got better from it a week before my new semester started and now Im going to get it for the third times just because I lifted the tables. So I wrote my disappointment in my whatsapp's story. Later, I got a call from him. 

Him : Hana kau angkat berat?

Me   : hahaha kau baca story aku eh. Haah tadi masa kelas.

Him : Kau angkat dari kolej ke fakulti ke? (He sounds so damn worried)

Me   : Eh tak! Meja tu dalam fakulti aku je. 

Him : Oh... So kau ada barang lagi tak nak angkat?

Me   : Ada. Tetapi lambat lagi aku nak angkat. 1 barang je. 

Him : Bila kau nak angkat? (aku dah pelik dah sebenarnya masa ni)

Me   : Hari Ahad kot. Nanti aku minta tolong kawan aku angkat sekali ngan aku.

Him : Eleh kau. Aku kenal dah kau ni, kau takkan minta tolong kawan kau. Kau ingat aku nak percaya? (Damn, he see me through) 

Him : Tak apa, Ahad ini aku tolong kau angkat barang kau.

I became silent. 

WHY YOU DO THIS. STOP GIVING ME FALSE HOPE.

I tried to decline, but he insisted to help me out. RIP heart.

But this was not the climax. The climax part goes to the things he was going to ask after that.

Him : Aku nak ajak kau keluar tengok wayang. Yang cerita IT aku mentioned hari itu.

Me  : (okay, on that time, I thought dia ajak keluar ramai-ramai sebab sebelum ini memang macam itu) Oh, okay. Bila nak nak tengok?

Him : Jumaat ini? Petang.

Me  : Dengan siapa?

Him : Kita berdua je.

Me  : Kau serius ar?

Him : Aku memang selalu serius.

I went silent again. I guess, he knew that I was not comfortable with the idea, so he said, "Tetapi kalau kau nak ajak kawan kau sekali aku okey je". Our conversation ended with me saying "Tengok la macam mana".

So all the things above, did happened. IT DID HAPPENED. Yes, tengok wayang included. At first, I declined to go to the cinema sebab tak nak berdua. GILA KE. Ya la, kalau ikut hati, memang lah nak sebab kita dah memang suka dia tetapi otak cakap jangan. Plus, I know Allah see everything what Im doing. But he insisted, so he asked one of his girl friend to come along with us. But still, dude! So, are you seeing me just as friend or more than that? Dah ada orang itu, jangan lah sibuk bagi harapan dekat orang lain. Rasa nak carut tahu tak? Ini tak masuk yang dia memang tolong aku angkat barang aku ke fakulti itu. Aku nak benci pun tak boleh sebab dia dah banyak tolong aku. I realised that I am not that strong. Ey, aku nak move on, that guy senang-senang je tarik aku balik. 

I want an opinion. I don't have expectation from this guy but he makes me want to expect more from him. What am I to him? Is he playing around? I need someone to tell me straight that he don't have a thing for me so that it much more easier for me to move on.

And about the wayang thingy, Allah tegur direct dekat aku. Tersedar terus. 

--------------------------------------------

Another surprise. 

This week, the president in the persatuan I joined, announced that I am one of the exco from now on.

I was dumb-founded. I am not even one of the secretariats so why am I getting an exco? He did asked me if I am okay being an exco, I wanted to decline it so badly but my mouth just shut. No answer. He took it as yes. Geez. Why am I like this. They seems to be on pinch and I feel bad for not helping them out.

I guess this semester I will become a workaholic as ever. 

With the hellish course I am taking, and now my work load added with the persatuan's works.

I hope I can manage both my studies and co-curricular.

I just got back from the gallery. I really had a blast going to this 2 persons show! The artworks are simply amazing and aesthetic. Those artworks really motivate me more in pursuing fine art. It makes me feel I need to do my hardest in my studies. By the way, at first I was planning to go to this exhibition the 2nd day, which is tomorrow, with a friend of mine. Then, for some reasons, both of us seems cannot up to the plan so I went with my parents instead today. Guess what? I have no regret at all. I have got to meet one of the brilliant artists, Mr Nik Mohd Shahfiz, not to forget that I got to see my lecturer and her artworks. I was really having fun throughout the opening exhibition, and my parents seems to be having fun as well, especially my dad, he literally more excited than I am.

Actually this was not my first time going to an art show/exhibition. I went couple of art shows before in Seri Iskandar but this was definitely the first time I went one in Selangor or Kuala Lumpur.

About

`Unparalleled Eye Beyond Sight’, a two persons exhibition that showcases recent artworks from two aspiring young artists of Aimi Atikah and Nik Mohd Shahfiz.

‘Unparalleled Eye Beyond Sight’ revolves around the idea on how two persons from two different time and space are able to reach their conclusion mutually based own their respective observation. Both artists will be utilizing the use of metaphors and symbolism in their story telling in order to create meaning based on their experiences.

Artworks

I will just show you some of them. The exhibition still on-going so I wanted to encourage you to come to the gallery and see those amazing artworks with your own eyes. If you are interested in buying their artworks, click here to go to this website. It even tell you the price and whom to contact.

By Nik Mohd Shahfiz

Oil on Canvas

2017

Title: Vitamin

Volume: 1

Chapters: 3

Published: August 13th, 2001 until October 13th, 2001

Genres: Shoujo, Drama, School, Slice of Life, Psychological

Author: Keiko Suenobu (Story & Art)

Serialization: Bessatsu Friend 

Wait, where is the romance tag? Isn't shoujo manga usually about romance?

Ohohoho~ Surprise! Well, I cannot deny the fact that almost every shoujo manga is about romance, but there are also some shoujo manga out there, focusing on life instead, and this one is definitely one of it. The author of this series is famous for being a mangaka (comic artist) that write 'different kind' of shoujo manga. All of her works are great and surprisingly they are mainly not about romance and very realistic to the core. I am sure you have read the word 'psychological', which a part of its genre. This might be the strongest asset in the manga. I repeat, 'psychological' is the strongest asset in the manga. 

I would love to recommend everyone to read this manga, but, I think this manga is not really suitable for young readers like middle schoolers and below. Despite it has the tag 'shoujo' which means the marketing is for 'young girl', but I think it's more suitable for high school teenagers and above. It has mature content and the violence in this manga is something else. It can affect you emotionally, like it did to me. 

So, what the manga is all about?

The beginning of the story makes you think that this is just a typical high school girl story, hanging out with friends, has a sweetheart lover, a caring family... or it just seems so. One day, it took to the dark turn. Our protagonist, high school student Sawako is caught in a compromising situation. As a result, the other students in her school bully and ostracize her to the point she looks to suicide and drops out of school. A brilliant story that centres on the very real and very damaging issue of bullying and the resulting trauma. The struggle of her life, where everyone she trust turns against her.

Art

Judging by the picture that I show you above, you might think that Keiko-sensei's art style is just like any other shoujo manga. This is where you are very wrong. The strength in Keiko-sensei's art is that she can conveys strong emotions, intensity, raw, the uniqueness that no shoujo manga have. With the story goes, the art makes you can feel the emotions that the protagonist had. The tension, scared feeling, lonely, madness, envy, triumph and more... all of that, what I got and what I felt throughout reading an only a volume with 3 chapters manga. 

But what Keiko-sensei was lacking in this manga is, the 'same-face' syndrome. Most of the characters in this short manga has the same faces with different hairstyles. But I understand that why she was lacking in this since Vitamin is one of her early work, and for what I have seen in her current work like LIMIT, Keiko-sensei already break through that weaknesses.